Watch Louis C.K. Discuss Murder, Dog Hairdos on Conan.  Mr. C.K. took to basic cable last night with an important message: Don’t leave your dark chocolate in low places. (He also does a bunch of other new-ish material that you’ll likely enjoy, if you enjoy Louis C.K.)

Conan O'Brien has secret audition tapes for Jersey Shore!!

Jersey Shore is wrapping up shooting on its Season 5 return to Seaside Heights. So as usual, it’s time to start the rumors that MTV is casting for new guidos and guidettes to replace the cast.

On Monday’s show, talk host Conan O’Brien had a few applicants who seem really hungry for the gig, which included 30 Minutes or Less actor Jesse Eisenberg, Road Trip’s DJ Qualls, 30 Rock’s Jack McBrayer, as well as 3^rd Rock from the Sun and former Dexterbaddie, John Lithgow.

The actors didn’t pull any punches (bad pun, we know) and we were impressed by their knowledge of what the producers are probably looking for: Fist pumps, GTL, Italian pride, and a prison record…